Two weddings and my funeral

Well well well haven't they just been busy and interesting times recently?! Oh the stories I could tell if this page remained unread. Damn you people and your boredom….actually it is fairly interesting that as my friends have all joined the “real world” they’ve all joined every mate/blog/space site going (I appreciate this means I have no excuse…but pure, poor, sad geekiness). So I’ll stick to the stories I can tell you…not those interestingly incriminating ones I WANT to tell you!!!

I have actually rather surpassed myself on the surrey wives front recently, with multiple weddings and a day at the races daaling! (….My use of the same dress for all of the above, not to mention my chosen method of making an entrance rather negates that effect though I’m afraid…)

It’s Thursday night. The races (Glorious Goodwood) are tomorrow, I’m heading that way tonight, but just need to “pop” (those are famous last words if ever I heard some) to Kingston first, as I’m down an outfit, shoes and accessories. Ah yes the military precision that is me strikes again. It is gone 12 when Hattie and I eventually arrive at the sea side, but I am now one very beautiful and very bargainous out fit up- AND it was from a proper shop NOT a supermarket OR even Primark- Monsoon no less. I feel I surpassed myself.And I did. I passed the whole day, on a healthy diet of fruit salad (err, mixed heavily with pimms), I didn’t fall, I didn’t spit, I didn’t insult anyone…I don’t think…no more than usual anyway….I even won some money!!! Granted my £2 didn’t quite cut it next to the £100 that seemed to be the group average (you all know how averages work, imagine what it would’ve been had it not been for my brilliance) but hey, beggars, choosers and all that! Was too surprised by my general levels of sophistication to complain really, besides which I didn’t spill ANYTHING down my wedding allocated dress-SCORE!!

It all changed very rapidly the next day.

Well trekking a near enough 2 hour trip home the morning after a day like that is a rookie mistake enough as it is…even before you add the not one, but TWO weddings I had to attend that day into the equation…

…It was destined to be interesting; and 5 min before kick off I was still stuck on the motorway so it certainly seemed to be heading that way. To my relief, after running every attempted red light going, before missing my turning and doing a (not very surrey wife, though very surrey rich bored boy racer) U-turn in the middle of Epsom high street, I screeched gracefully into the road the church was in, abandoned Vikki and went running to wards the church. Obviously I’m carrying my shoes ‘cause hello, you try driving in them! Hand in hand with the running and clutching of things I’ve got my shawl half grabbed half flailing behind me in my tail winds, same hand desperately trying to keep my beautiful mermaid like bodice up, whilst the other is clutching at my hat type accessory. But its ok, I made it, up ahead of me I see the wedding party, having a few pre-ceremony photos. Again, SCORE!!

But then I realise, I cant be as uncouth as to run through the photo’s thereby ruining them and distracting the bride, so, still clutching everything (just about) I make the far more sensible, and subtle, decision to dive over the shrubbery in the corner of the grounds, running diagonally across them and dashing through the door-naturally unnoticed. Such was the grace and agility with which I was moving that I barley notice the rather bemused looking usher manning the order of service table, until after I’d slammed into the chapel door. Obviously these are essential- wouldn’t want to embarrass myself now would I, so I do what can only be described as a hand break turn, grab one, hiss at the poor boy (it was meant to be thank you but not entirely sure the effect was achieved thanks to all the running, dashing and diving) and burst (all the way) through the chapel doors.

Still shoeless and clutching my hair, boobs, and half my shawl I register my work buddies, looking very happy to see me, all smiles in my direction…in fact, I also register that the whole church is actually glass fronted, which is nice as it means all the external grounds, and the timid usher can be seen by the congregation- more so because rather than being arranged in rows, they are arranged in a large circle around a central alter, which-is-nice, as it means EVERYBODY can see EVERYTHING. Everybody is certainly seeing me right now-even the man filming the official video.

Then I realise my friends are so excited to see me they are ushering me over and trying to tell me something- probably how suave I look...

“Come here, sit down, pull your top up and put your shoes on you’re on camera!!” I’m glad we were in God’s house or I don’t think the sentence would’ve quite ended there. Rushing to adhere to my orders and stop breathing like a pervert I check to see the status of the impending bridal entry when it dawns on me….not only am I wearing no shoes half a dress and a floppy hair do, I AM WEARING EXACTLY THE SAME COLOUR SCHEME AS THE WEDDING PARTY!!!!

(she's obviously nervous my
entrance would upstage hers, same dress'n'all)

Good thing we all got lost on the way to the park where the photos were being taken, at least it will be our little secret! Well...at least it was a good thing...until the call was made for a Freemantles photo and the bride thought we’d all ditched her for a better offer…lest that meant she was actually pleased to see us at the reception…bet a lot of brides don’t think that about a lot of people.

Mmmm best to leave that there then….on to the next! Far less eventful I’m afraid, picked Mr Martin up who was so well scrubbed up that I wouldn’t let him go and we spent much of the night in our own little bubble, while my buddies looked on giggling like they still went to school, not worked there!!!

(Err, in my mind that’s what happened….in reality the sweet smiles of support were probably them laughing at his desperate cries for help and attempts to burst my little rose tinted bubble!!! Let’s not be fussy though eh). Either way, needless to say the yummy boy was met with much approval, so brownie points all round! I took him to the beach a few days later as his treat.

He hates the beach.
Oooooops x